


Jousting

by Carmarthen Juvenilia (Carmarthen)



Series: Euphemisms [2]
Category: A Knight's Tale (2001)
Genre: Crack, Embarrassing Old Fic, Humor, Innuendo, Juvenilia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-16
Updated: 2011-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmarthen/pseuds/Carmarthen%20Juvenilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wat talks too much. William gets sick of it. Innuendos abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jousting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Liz](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Liz).



> who laughed at the root vegetables

"Bloody fool," Wat muttered. "What did he think he was doing, talking like that? I swear, if'n we didn't need him to make the patents, I'd fong him 'til he couldn't see straight an' it hurt him to--"

"Wat," William said, "shut up."

Wat shot William a dark look, or at least as dark as a skinny, sullen red-head could manage. "Oh, righty, I'll shut up 'cos _you_ say, _Sir_ William. D'you not remember how I used to beat you up, eh? Don't you bloody tell me to shut up."

William calmly set aside the sword he was polishing. He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands and smirking like a cat who had gotten the cream. "Wat, if you don't shut up, I'll impale you on my lance."

Wat stared in disbelief. "Oh, as if I'm afraid of that, Will." He stood and started mincing around the fire, waving his arms about.

"I'm _Sir_ William, the mighty jouster. Fear my lance!"

"Wat." William's tone was warning.

"Oh, come on, Will." Wat stopped waving his arms about and stared at William, one eyebrow raised skeptically. "Your lance isn't even all that big."

"What?"

Wat turned bright red, which made him look rather like an embarrassed carrot. "Er...nuffin."

"Oh, really?" William's voice would have melted butter. He stood gracefully and stalked around the fire towards Wat, who was nervously backing away. "I could have _sworn_ you called into question the size of my lance... _squire._ "

"Not me! Not me!" Wat threw up his hands in supplication and promptly backed into a tree. "Ow." He slid to the ground and looked up to find William standing over him, grinning. "Will? You're not mad at me, are you? You're not gonna do nuffin?"

William's grin widened and his voice grew husky. "Oh, I intend to impale you until you beg for mercy."

Wat scrambled to his feet and put up shaky fists. "I'll not take that lying down!"

"It can be done standing, too," William said, barely restraining laughter. "And even on horseback, I hear, although that sounds rather uncomfortable to me."

"Oooh, you--" Wat threw himself at William, flailing wildly.

"Have at ye, Wat!" William stepped aside at the last moment and Wat tripped over one of William's lances and went sprawling.

When the stars stopped dancing before his eyes, casting mocking aspersions on his manhood, Wat again looked up into William's amused eyes.

"So," William said a considerable while later. "My lance isn't all that big, eh?"

It was Wat's turn to smirk like a cat who had gotten the cream, so to speak. "I've seen bigger," he said diffidently.

William _looked_ at him. "Next time we joust, I will see you flat on your back, you git," he said, his tone belying his threatening words.

"Oh, just a-cause you're the 'knight,' you think you can always win! I'll show you! I'll fong you 'til--"

Wat finally shut up.


End file.
